Cried reading your poetry page! It made such sense. I am 52 and recently diagnosed with ADD- inattentive type, dyscalculia and minor dyslexia. This following breaking down into psychosis under stress at all levels.
I am a clinical scholar in older persons mental health services having obtained a degree to prove to myself I was not thick stupid or rude/ignorant/personality disordered/confabulator as others judged me to be.
Here's a poem I wrote at 19 as I struggled with teen angst to define myself whilst on solo on an outward bound course! Called it Narcissus.
Tentative, I reach to touch you,
you disappear, elusive, like reflections on water
mocking my infant, foolish attempts at capture of the complete me.
Humbly I withdraw into dreams,drifting,floating, submissive to your whims,
with vague and insubstantial thoughts to grasp which slip from my hold back into the water,
lying submerged, as I skim through life with surface tension and turbulent waters.
splashing in the shallows I dive into the depths,
circling, ever searching and surfacing with nothing.
Loss of, or lack of identification with others and the subsequent rejection as they judge you has a profound effect upon any ADDers personality, confidence and self esteem.
The sense of differentness, feeling a freak, never fitting in made me try too hard to identify with those with whom I would never fit for far too long.
your personality -the self- becomes distorted and the isolation you feel without the label to aid your self understanding and growth seems a common feature.
I would advise in the words of grace jones -use your faults, use your defects then you gonna be a star-would help most of us with ADD.
Additionally,be aware you are not freaky just part of the genetic differences in the evolutionary chain,with an intensity and acuity ordinary brained people don't have, plus the ability as a chronic outsider to think big and see the wider picture/visionary tendencies.
Drifting and floating in my thoughts sitting alone on top of a hill is my favourite thing to do, and many Ideas drift my way, its the grasping of them and recalling them under the additional stress of presenting them as my next goal with a sieve head thats the issue!hope this is helpful
love to all ADDers Annex