Circling downward spiral inside
Churning beating sickness
Falling into myself
Beating myself up
For things done deliberately
Knowing that it's my own fault
Only I can avoid this
If I could just..
Do what needs to be done
When it needs to be done
Instead I run around
Doing anything but..
Letting people down
I deserve this
I deserve the pain
Aching pounding head
Breathless throbbing
Feel like running away
No point
I'd be going with me..
Frantic scrabbling inside
Running around
No place to hide
I know the truth
I can't hide
Desperately seeking someone else
To come and magic it away
These feelings
Then I realise
Theres just me
I can't do this anymore
I have to change
How do I change?
No one knows
Blind leading the blind
Sickness
Eat eat eat
There
Full
Hate
Simple formula
Lets pretend it's better
Put on the smilely face
No one knows
No one can see..
See the sun glinting on the glass
The sharp clean edges
Sit in the sun
Feel the sting.. the cut
See the soft red drops
Fall down to the grass
Does this make it better?
Are you well now?
Do you feel control?
No..
We can't go there now
No more
Too much to lose
So we sit and feel the sickness
Why punish yourself?
Half believing the good things
Half believing shes worthwhile
Wishing she could do this
Wishing she was that girl
The one they all see
But they don't know the secrets
They don't know the private parts
The hidden dark heart
The dirty deeds, the lies
The fears..
They don't hear the screaming in the night
They don't feel used
They don't know why sex is a dirty word
So that I can't enjoy that..
Total pleasure
Total hate
Turning my face to the wall
I won't look at what I've done
But I know
Inside.. I know
Oh just take me away
I can't do this anymore
I want to stop
But all there is
Is the wall.. bang!
Chainsmoke myself to death
Eat till I'm sick
Cut myself to ribbons
Push everyone away
Give me oblivion
Please?
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